Esme's Cooking Experiments
by Pie-and-cookies-RULE
Summary: Steak,Shakes,AND THANKSGIVING DINNER! You ask Esme and she'll TORTURE YOU WITH FFOOOODDD! FYI Emmett you fat!
1. Chapter 1

"Emmett, could you come here please" said Esme's sugar sweet voice from the kitchen.  
>"Yeah mom?" asked Emmett<br>"Sweetie, could you do me favor" asked Esme.  
>"Sure mom" said Emmett ready to do anything.<br>"Honey, could you, um, try this steak i made" "But Mom, I can't eat it!" said Emmett. "Esme did you just ask Emmett to eat steak?" asked Alice.  
>"Steak, BUT WE CAN'T EAT STEAK!" exclaimed Jasper in his southern twang.<br>" Please Emmett just try it." said Esme.  
>"BUT MOM!"<br>"Please Emmett just try it" asked Esme, pleading.  
>"BUT ESME HE CAN'T EAT STEAK!" Said Jasper again.<br>"Oh, Silly come over here and try the dang steak" said Esme.  
>"BUT MOMMA!" screamed Emmett.<br>" Carlisle I think you need to get over here Esme's going mad." said Edward, talking to Carlisle on the phone. " I'll be right there" said Carlilse. Carlilse was by Esme's side within five minutes. "Esme sweetie what's wrong?" asked Carlilse. "SHE WANTS US TO EAT STEAK!" yelled Jasper Before Esme could answer. "Esme, honey, you know they can't eat steak" " But I just want them to try it" she said. "Carlilse,?" asked Esme holding up a fork with steak on it. " I have to get back to the hospital" he said. He was almost to the door when Esme caught him by the back of the jacket. "oh no you don't!" she said. "If no one wants to try we all will." She sat everyone at the table. "Now what a nice family dinner" she commented. "I don't know about this" said Alice in her high girly voice. "THIS IS ABSURD" exclaimed Edward. "WE CAN'T EAT STEAK!" yelled Jasper across the table. "ENOUGH!" yelled Esme smashing the table. All the food fell to the floor. "Oh, no" said Esme as she fled the room. "Dude 5 second rule" Emmett said as he sat in the middle of the kitchen floor stuffing his face. "Hey, its worth it mom sure can cook." he said. "Emmett that's just stupid." said Jasper. "I'm going to Bella's." said Edward. "Of the days you don't bring the human" said Rosalie "the one day she could be useful." They all looked down at Emmett as if he had lost his mind, Stuffing his face with steak. Out of nowhere Jasper Exclaimed, "EMMETT YOU FAT!" Alice giggled as Rosalie rolled her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

It was like any normal day at the Cullen house, well normal as it could be in a house full of Vampires. Emmett and Edward walked in the large glass house home from a game of baseball. Alice and Jasper met there arrival at the door. "How was baseball" she asked, already knowing what happened. Emmett grunted, having lost, and sulked his way to the kitchen where of course he met Esme.  
>"Awwwwh mom not again, that steak made me sick last time!" Emmett exclaimed.<br>"Oh no not again" Alice said in her high pixie like voice.  
>"How many time we got to tell her we can't eat!" Jasper said under his breath. "Oh sweetie its only a milkshake." Esme said.<br>"Oh god mom, no" Emmett said walking into the living room.  
>"Oh come on just a sip," she pleaded. Edward immediately got on the phone and dialed Carlisle's number.<br>"Oh not again" he said as soon as he picked up the phone.  
>"Afraid so" Edward said. Carlisle was there in a matter of minutes.<br>"Esme, now we already had this discussion."  
>"Oh Carlisle...Please?" she asked.<br>"Emmett?" Carlisle pleaded with big eyes.  
>"Awwhhh mann" he swiped the cup out of Esme's hand. He took a sip.<br>"this is kinda good." he said.  
>"That's nasty" Jasper said. Alice gave a look of disgust.<br>Edward shook his head and said "This is absurd" Just then Bella entered the house.  
>"Hey Cullens!" she said. All the Cullens turned to Bella. "What'cha drinking Em?" she asked.<br>"A milkshake," he replied "Esme made'um"  
>"Really?" she asked. "Sure Sweetie do you want one?" Esme asked.<p>

"Yeah sure." Edward eyed the cup Esme hand Bella suspiciously. Bella sipped at the drink. "This is good Esme what's in it."  
>"Oh strawberries, chocolate, vanilla ice-cream, milk, and this stuff" she held up a bleach bottle.<br>"ESME THAT'S BLEACH!" Edward yelled snatching the cup from Bella. Carlilse was at Bella's side in a instant.  
>"Yeah? SO?" she asked.<br>"Bleach can kill Humans" Just as Edward said this Bella fainted.  
>"Oh jeez" Alice said.<br>"Hey, I think it's pretty good, bleach or not" Emmett said sipping the shake. "You'll pay for that later, and don't come crying to Me." said Rose.  
>"The only reason you like it Emmett is because you're fat!" Jasper exclaimed. Emmett just shrugged and plopped down on the couch to watch some football.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

It was one normal evening- wait, scratch that. It was one mess-up Thanksgiving evening when  
>Esme walked into the crowded living room and said "Hello everyone-GET YOUR BUT AT THE TABLE TO EAT!" She said sweetly, well as sweetly as you could not think.<br>"Mom we can't eat!" Yelled Alice.

"Then how come Emmett can?"Esme asked. Everyone but Esme looked at him and glared.  
>"Hey! It's not my fault it of the bomb!"Emmett complained.<br>"Emmett you just eat cuz you fat!" Jasper said. Alice giggled at his new catch phrase while Rosalie smacked the back of Emmett's head.  
>"OW! Anyway...FOOD!"Emmett ran to the room well the other walked at snail pace. Esme decided to push them into their chairs.<br>"Now EAT!"  
>"Bu-"<br>"Eat!" They all tried it. And then their eyes popped. They started to eat more and before you knew it started fighting over it. Then before you knew **that**...FOOD FIGHT!  
>"Stop wasting my <strong>food<strong>!"Esme yelled. Then Robert Pattison walks in.  
>"YO!"<p>

And then Jacob walks in randomly and says "HEY DUDES! I HEAR THEREIS FOOD!"  
>"Yes there i- EMMETT STOP EATING THE TURKEY!" Esme yells<br>"Never mind that I'll take the pi-HEY THAT'S MY PIE!"Jake yells at Emmett  
>then Rob says "NO ITS MY PIE! IM ACCUALY HUMAN I THINK I DESERVE SOME PIE!" and then Edward says "Really? Are u sure your no alien cuz u look like one." and then robs like "YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME!"<p>

"Well I make it look goooood!"

"Nooooooo I dooooooooooooo!" and then they start arguing and Bella rolls her eyes and finally says "You both look the same but Edward makes it look hhhooooottttttttt"

The Jake buds into the argument and says "He's too cold to make it look hot!"  
>Carlisle, who for some reason was never there, walks in, sees the fight, and then walks right out. Esme, Jasper, and for some odd reason the whole pack went outside too. But, don't ask me how they got there in the first place. I'm just a author. Who forces people to eat cookies. LIKE RIGHT NOW! Edward ate cookies. Now, since I have you read how Esme tortures<br>vampires with food, mostly FISH food, I shall keep telling you.  
>Edward starts to sneak out with the stuffing when Emmett attacked him and yelled "FOOD!"<br>Edward for some reason becomes weak and gives the food to Emmett so Emmett can get off of him. Everyone became tired, even the vampires. (Don't ask) And went to sleep as Elmo tries, but fails to eat them.

Then some nomads come up, and Emmett wakes up and says "FOOOOOD" and attempts to eat them. And they're like "Ow quit biting me!"

Then Carlisle wakes up. "Emmett that not food."

"They taste like chicken!"

"Ok this is getting ridiculous. First you actually enjoy food and now you're eating _vampires_? What has gotten into you, Emmett?"

"I don't Know PEACE!"


End file.
